Half Smile

The story with the guy who called me a prince is an interesting one.

I remember first meeting him in providence at a theater. He was introducing himself around after being hired to work with us on a play, and he deadlocked eyes with me and softened up his voice and said (slowly and methodically) "Hey Tom, I'm Jonathon...it's really nice to meet you." All the while staring at me in the eyes with a bit of warm recognition. It was completely intoxicating. I thought to myself, "Jesus Christ what a nice guy!" I was not only convinced he was a kind-hearted person, I was absolutely sure of it!

I was at that time, of course, unaquainted with the ways of the professional actor. The acting stereotype that I had become familiar with was the collegiate actor. Very much the same as in the passage in Franny and Zooey, where the girl talks about how obnoxious and obviously fake all of the Yale drama students are. They come out to the lobby after their show to greet their guests, still caked in their stage make-up and try to behave unselfconciously and graciously. The collegiate actor is, essentially, completely self-involved and incapable of hiding it.

The behavior of the professional actor is far more insideous. It turns out that Jonathon was not a very nice person, in a number of ways. While he was in Providence working on the play, he broke up with his fiancee back in LA, slept with a friend of the directors, impregnated her, and told her to get an abortion but refused to have anything more to do with it (ie pay or console or attend). He would constantly bitch and complain in a way that was very childish, and he would refuse to do anything he didn't specifically want to do (which sounds solid, but for an actor, not listening and taking notes from a director is an enormous problem). What really started to single him out as a pretender, was when I would pay close attention to how he would introduce himself to other people. He was doing the same thing he did to me!? That fucker! If everybody gets greeted like that, it means I'm not special? He was pretending to be kind and gracious?

So...yeah. It has taken me a while to diagnose what is at the heart of these people's behavior. And I'm not sure if I'm to the heart of it yet still. But this guy Jonathon seems to be honest on first meeting. He seems to be forthright and kind. And yet I have seen him far too many times compromising himself on those qualities which he presents so self-assuredly. The lifestyle of an actor requires you to meet hundreds if not thousands of people whom you must impart some sense of kindness, honesty, and intelligence. These "meetings" are often short, chaotic and superficial in context (does he look right? sound right? tall enough? blah blah blah). The professional actor must then push all that it is within themselves that is "good" up to the front of their personality. By that I mean, they don't play coy and allow time for a relationship to be built based on growth and understanding over time. They have 10 minutes to prove to you how worthy they are, and they need to make sure you know and remember them. I think this may be why they appear to be so incredibly obnoxious and ovrebearing. Not only must they please everyone, they must do it in a very short period of time.

I don't know where I am in the conversation now, but I'm glad I put that out there.

Thoughts?

How to be an actor - First installation

In the wake of an interview I did with Tommy, in which we talked about why famous actors such as Tom Cruise, Russell Crowe, Daniel Day Lewis, Jack Nicolson, Johnny Depp and others act so strangely, which occasionally sent me into hysterical fits of laughter, particularly when Tommy described the frustrating way in which a lot of actors get really emotional about little insignificant things and then became suddenly distracted by a couple complaining about unintentionally feeding a flock of pigeons from their crumbling sandwiches and said, imitating the volcanic voice of our father when angry, "That really makes me mad!" This led of course to us imagining different scenarios in which we became apocalyptically upset at passersby. Ergo, Tommy: "Nobody looks at me that way!" This - probably because it imitated the sound of our father's voice when furious, but was entirely removed from that threatening context, producing an instinctive flinch of anxiety immediately pacified and so resulting in a kind of ecstatic relief - was very funny, and I started to laugh to the point of tears.

Anyway. In the wake of this, we talked about the way his career has been tending lately. What he's been up to. Where he's been.

What would obviously be very interesting would be to make a script or play or book or pamphlet of an interview between you (Tommy) and me, which would slowly reveal our personalities, as we talk about acting and not acting and what each of those things mean. What does it mean to "not act." When I used to tell you, "It's like you're acting right now" you became very upset. It's weird that you're acting but trying your best not to act - or at least not to act like the actor by whom you are surrounded each time you go to an audition or rehearsal, etc.

"You're trying not to act like actors. Does that mean you're still acting? Or where does that place you on the spectrum of the real versus the fake? Are you, possibly, less real than they are, since you are trying (and are apparently able) to act unlike these "actors"?" (Phew. Intellectual exercise. No offense.)


When you tell me these things (what it's like in a waiting room before an audition, say), it's as if it's therapeutic for you, as if you're cleansing yourself of the artificiality of the other guys who are so obviously "acting," or "not being real."


For examples, I loved it when you talked about how the guy who called you a prince was being as real and genuine as he could, but that his reality was entirely artificial.

I also had a weird feeling when you imitated him (that is, acted like a guy who's acting in real life, making obsessive eye contact, etc.). I was thinking, "Shit, it may be bullshit that he's acting and calling me a prince and everything, but it feels good to be called a prince, to be looked at in the eye pseudo-warmly, to be convincingly congratulated for being me. I'd rather that, I guess, than be treated with the the apparent indifference of someone who's just "being real."" It reminded me of something from David Foster Wallace. He's talking about the difficult transactions he has with wait staff. You go up to a counter at a coffee shop, say, and the girl behind the counter gives you a big cartoon smile: "Hi! How can I help you today?!" And you recoil with distaste at how artificial she is. (The way I sort of recoiled from the frosty bleached smiles of the platinum blond flight attendants from LA on the return trip from Samoa.) So that's no good. But then the next morning you get the other employee, who's clearly had a bad night or bad life, and you get the "real thing," the flat, unenthusiastic, "Hey, what can I get you?" And you think, "Hey, would a little enthusiasm kill you, you fucking bitch?" "What a mess," is Wallace's conclusion.


Any responses to this?



Moving on:



1. What it's like to try out for a Gilette advertisement.
The ridiculous, uncreative Tiger Woods scenario. (I feel bad for Tiger Woods, being dragged into yet another commercial because people now associate him with innocence and grass and balls flying through the air.) The "Unfurrow your brow...okay, good. Thanks." The other guys with accents and chiseled bodies. "He-llo."

2. Waiting rooms. The guys looking at one another, checking each other out. Reading their script. Pretending to read. Acting like they're reading. Acting out their reading. Girls looking into the air.

3. Not telling you when to go, leaving that up to you.

4. The calling card greeting. "Hey, Adam, great to meet you." Who are they imitating? Who are they "trying to be"? Someone in particular? To what extent do "normal" people try to act like someone else? Aren't these actor guys just taking the "personality" question to its logical extreme by blatantly "acting," blatantly trying to "be someone" that they aren't, or aren't yet? (If everyone is acting out the life of their favorite character from fiction, as I think Bellow or someone said... Mailer, also, claimed that he was one of the thousands of American men who'd spent his entire life running for president.) Is it refreshing to know that someone is clearly acting? There's no deception. You can see it. It's comforting. At least this person is not sneaking one past me - he's acting, he's less than me, I am being real, I have a sturdy personality that supports me, etc.

5. Wizard's First Rule.
Strange comfort of reading and listening to those lines: "I've never felt...so alone." There's no soul searching there. No attempt at destroying yourself to expand your consciousness, breaking down the muscle that it might grow. Your hilarious bit about "I know, I know, shhhhh, your father was a philistine and a little mean and didn't approve of your interest in comic books and fantasy novels as a kid, but you don't have the balls to consider your relationship with him in frank psychological confession so you're retreating into fantasy yet again, I know, shhhh, I know." The idea of you playing the Wizard, however. And the loot that you could make from it. Jesus. You as the Wizard. Saying those lines, with the consciousness you have of how cheesy and shallow they are.

Stopping here for now. Add what you will.

Thoughts about DB/GM

DB and GM at the ICA.

Usless things
Things that have evolved
Harmful things
Things you can eat.
Feelings
Invented concepts
Just words
Love/Imaginary love
Natural things that have bred unnatural things
Animal urges versus human urges
Ways we justify our animal behavior
Ways we pretend to be moral, where we are in fact corrupt
Wars
Religions
Corporate identities
Irrationality versus rationality
Fear as the base of every other emotion
Artists' brains versus scientists' brains
Curio

Dear Geoffrey -

Thanks so much for those tickets! I really, really enjoyed the lecture, and so did my mom... We had a lot to talk about afterwards. Such incredible ideas, very inspiring.

After attending the lecture, and reading your books (mindbinders both), I think I'm gonna focus on you two guys, the event, and your books, with some of Vlad Griskevicius's research brought in (who's been real helpful, and I loved his Peacock's and Picasso paper, which is how I found you). I'm trying to get in touch with David through McSweeney's to ask him a few Q's as well. I've listed some below. There are ten, but answer whichever ones you want, or the ones you actually have something to say about. (These were just things I was thinking about post-lecture and -book.) You kept anticipating things I wanted to ask, and even random connections, such as the Modern Lovers song which had been running in my head since reading Vlad's article. One of my favorite refrains ever:

Well he was only 5'3"
But girls could not resist his stare
Pablo Picasso never got called an asshole
Not in New York


Anyway, here are the questions. Answer however you like, feeling free to be brief.

1. Hitler seems to be an interesting case. You mention his use of the Mad Dog Strategy. Is there something more here, considering he was a failed artist (failed to widely display his creativity), but eventually became sexually adored by many women? Could some (most?) of his behavior be explained by sexual selection? (I imagine this is dangerous, prickly territory, of course.)

2. Have you done any studies involving homosexual men and/or women? I wonder how the concept of creative analysis versus creative production might differ between heterosexual and homosexual men and women.

3. How do you think your brain differs from David Byrnes'? Or: according to that press release, I think you have some theories, or at least opinions, on David's music. Like what?

4. Why do you think everybody laughs at the idea of sexual displays and mating? The bowerbird is a huge comic hit, for example, because its behavior looks a lot like some human courting behavior. (This question may relate to the nature of laughter itself, however, rather than anything evolution-related.)

5. Beside the motivation many scientists have to display their familiarity with the canon of art so that people don't think they're simply "truth" obsessed, do you feel a necessity to balance out your research in evolutionary origins with art (painting, literature, music, film, which its clear you know a lot about)? (Granted, many of your theories are beautiful/artistic in themselves)

6. In The Mating Mind you write that evolution is heartlessly unromantic. As an evolutionary psychologist (ie, someone who studies evolution, and especially sexual selection), is it difficult to believe in romance...?

7. David Byrne writes this in the intro to his book:
I happen to believe that a lot of scientific and rational premises are irrational to begin with—that the work of much science and academic inquiry is, deep down, merely the elaborate justification of desire, bias, whim, and glory. I sense that to some extent the rational "thinking" areas of our brains are super-rationalization engines. They provide us with means and justifications for our more animal impulses. They allow us to justify them to both ourselves and then, when that has been accomplished, to others. "The hope that a mathematically unique solution will emerge [as an explanation of nature] is as faith-based as intelligent design," says Leonard Susskind, inventor of string theory.

Do you agree with these statements, or do you take issue with any of them? Where does rationality come in for you, if it comes in at all?

8. Heartache/heartbreak: Increased cardiac activity due to the stress/anxiety of a romantic attachment coming undone? More specifi than this?

9. What about reputedly asexual artists, like Borges, or the later Henry James? (Andy Warhol's wasn't exactly asexual, but he's an interesting one - a man who clearly wanted love and fame and recognition through his art, and sort of made that his thing. (Loved the deft explanation of why Warhol would not have drawn a candy bar, by the way. That particular guy's question - a classic example of a male striving to be heard, despite not knowing what he's talking about...?)

10. To date, what do you consider the most interesting evolutionary discovery you've made?

With G

“Remember how we used to go to parties just so we could get there and leave. It’s like now we just go and don’t even realize we’re there. We never even really arrive anymore.”

Two dyed-red-headed girls talking to one another. Their conversation seemed extremely important from a distance.

"What’s his book about?"
“I don’t know. Raging. Fucked up shit. This girl once licked coke over his dick. She was fucked up. He was like, “Dude, that chick was OUT OF CONTROL. It was like, Come on, what are you doing? You’re totally out of control.”

Getting upset about being called teen wolf.
“People don’t realize that when they say stuff like that they in danger of getting they THROAT CUT!”

Laughing painfully:
“To answer your question J, yes, I’ve been drinking. I’ve been drinking, J. I’m drunk.”

Complaining about how this guy, the AP of the L, is pumped about being who he is. The whatever kind of irony that’s implied in wearing a tweed jacket and scuffed brown wingtips and a yellow tie. To encompass the entire thing: Why? Why the effort? The intent is partly to make you aware that he knows, maybe, publishing a magazine is a strangely ersatz thing to do, old-fashioned, uncool in comparison to the music and filmmaking and art-making folks that surround one in NY and are more relevant and popular. Also the frustrating Warhol idea (a working class boy) that "there's nothing more bourgeois than being afraid to look bourgeois." Actually, there probably are more bourgeois things than that, I just don't have the time to figure out what they are.

G in the voice saying I’ve ruined him. Or that the night he before he’d had sex with H and “It was sensual. She touched my balls. Sensuously.”

Heather suddenly appears, after the guy’s throat has been cut, and says, shaking her head, “You shouldn’t of said that. He’ll cut ya throat.”

He drew a speech bubble: It’s stinky chocolate. [Laughter] It was commonly acknowledged that he was gifted.

Bloody Social: G leaps at the mention of the band.
“What’s he like? The lead singer?”
“He’s like, [pursing lips] ‘We should hang out.’”
“Oh yeah?”
“He stands there in the studio looking at the rest of the band as they play and occasionally going, ‘Yeah, nice mate.’ He's the lamest guy ever."
"Ha ha, nice!"

Imitation of lead singer complaining about their popularity among fat girls from the mid-West. “Mates, we seem to be despised everywhere except for bloody Kansas. We’ve got to take some kind of redemptive bloody action.”

Pictures of girls bending down on stage to plug in a guitar pedal.

Tired

Man, I'm tired. If you drink only one or two nights week, and then drink a fair amount, don't expect to wake up at a reasonable hour or be alert in any way until around 6 or 7 o'clock. Fun time with D and then G later on. D and I talked about why I don't have a girlfriend and he does, how I spared his girlfriend, how much he loves her, that he's in a kind of level four as oppsoed to level three type state. Never experienced before. Shit, this is stupid. Speaking of that, stoop. D said "Getting stupid on the stoop." If you want to go out tonight or do something fun you better get the fuck to work and stop fucking around on this blog. Okay?

Williamsburg

I was in Williamsburg last night and it felt very strange to be there. A whole new crop of kids are there. Young kids. Early twenties, or younger. Eric, Graham's friend, who it turns out is 33 and a little ashamed of this, was saying "I'm afraid the kids in this hardcore band that I've been hanging out with see me as a creepy old guy.... When I was fifteen and had just discovered punk rock me and my friends thought, 'Wow, I'm gonna be into this for the rest of my life!'" He put his hand to his forhead in a mix of mock and real astonishment. "I wish I didn't mean it."

Graham and I got on the subject of The Bloody Social, who've been appearing everywhere. We were trying to figure out a way of describing their music. At first Graham said, "Sort of American rock. I don't know." And then "Mellow Bon Jovi maybe." Laughter, because it was accurate. That was almost exactly it. Graham imitated the singer, who doesn't exactly sing lyrics, just more of an "Ooooh. Oooh." While playing a G chord. Graham's friend asked what we thought their fate as a band was, and we realized the phenomenon of bands simply getting more recognition that they suck by becoming "popular." Like Blink 182, maybe - who may have had a very successful and longterm run as a local LA underground punk band, had they not decided to go for it, and make it known to the American public how badly they suck. This, we thought, was the fate of the Bloody Social - to gain some kind of confused attention, mainly through the lead singer's contract with Calvin Kline, and then to be overwhelmingly despised by New York City's rock community, used as a kind of punching bag until they disappear into different bands, jobs, or states.

"Off the top of my head, I can't think of a betterr drummer in New York City. Off the top of my head, right now in this moment."
"What about Graham? Can you think of a bigger asshole in New York than Graham right now, off the top of your head?"
[Comic pause]
"No. Of the assholes that I'm thinking of, off the top of my head, Graham is the biggest one."